In past, I fell into the trap of forgetting my roots. There are times where I fought with my dad and mum and I didn't obey their words. I don't speak much with my dad and mum daily. I was trained to live independent from undergrad days. The simple conversations we have can't be even classified as chats between normal friends. Dad has an explanation for this"after certain age, you got to be independent; parents have to maintain a distance to let their kid grow up". I even crib to my parents that we don't go for family outings. The best picnics I remember were to nearby temples.
My telephone conversations with my parents seldom change. A typical chat:
Dad: "Hi Satheesh, Nalla irukiya?"
Me: "Mmm Dad, nalla irukken. Neenga eppadi irukenga? Amma nalla irukangala?"
Dad: "Ooruku eppo varey?"
Me: "Theriyilipa, And I get bored if I come home. May be I will come during festival times"
Dad: "Ammakite pesariya?! Wait pannu"
Me: "mmmm..."
Mom: "Nalla irukiya da, dance class nalla pocha, dinner acha?!" and the usual queries
Me: "Amma...neriya question kettu paduthathey ma"
Mom: "Ooruku eppo varey"
Me:" Who is there in mayuram ma...I will get bored if I come there ma"
Mom: "Naangala irukkomila??..."
Me: "mmm..."
Mom: "seri...decide panni sollu. I will get tickets for you"
Me: "mmm...Good night ma. Appavukkum good night sollu ma."
The telephonic conversations we have shows the distance I had with my parents. The more I grow in my career; more I got into the trap of forgetting my roots. I would not have reached this place if my parents decide to curb me. It is the freedom they gave made me a human being. I never had bad time in my life before. I never cried much in my life. I never had to work hard to achieve more in life. Though I haven’t born with silver spoon, I never had any trouble during my formative years.Even then I cribbed day before yesterday. "Naan unga kooda close illathathukka karanum, neenga enna seriya vallakula" (You haven't brought me well, that's the reason why I am not coming close to you)
Even though I fight with parents in the past, they never let me down. There was a time I had SMS fight with my dad.
Me: "Kids tell their interests to parents once in a while. But if parents don't listen to them, that kills the spirit in kids. They don’t come ever afterwards to parents. I behaved much matured manner by coming to you and asking for permission. But you and mom spoilt the whole scene by keeping me in dark and spoke wrong things to right people."
Dad: "Dear Satheesh. I accept that we behaved in immature way. We have grown up in village side where all these are still bad. We opposed what we found is wrong. But I love you. I can accept anything for you to make you live your life happily". These are the times I fought in a childish way with my parents. But my parents love me even with all this inhibitions of mine.
They know what's going on in my mind even without speaking single word. This time when I went home, I wasn't in my high spirits. Both never failed to notice that big let down in my face. I was dull for the whole day. At the end of the day, mom and dad called me.
Mom: "I know things went wrong. Let's talk it out"
Dad: "It's tough time for us to see our son like this...please calm down. Let's speak out the issues"
All these words came from them even after me let them down in the past. I couldn't stop breaking down before them. I was crying in my mother’s lap for hours.
Me: "I haven't done any mistake. But my life is royally messed up now. What wrong I did to you ma? Why haven't you believed me?" I was pointing my fingers on my mom for all troubles in my life. How stupid I am?
Mom: "Satheesh. Nee onnum thappu panneleda. Let me be the one who has to suffer for killing your feelings. Please don't break down. I am just holding my life to make your life happier."
Whatever I speak, I know my mom won't hate me. I am not a great human being; I blame others for my mistake. I have so much wrong on my side to correct myself. Even then I know my parents will love me forever.
In evening, while I was starting back to Bangalore,
Mom: "Satheesh, tickets ethutiya? Change irukka? water bottle vennuma?"
Me: "Amma....pls. Nee teacher-a irukalam. Athukaga, neriya kelvi kettu, romba paduthathey ma"
Mom: "mmm...unnaku parents pasam-ina eppo puriyathuda!!"
I didn't reply then. I probably can’t understand my parents love for me in the whole life. Amma and Appa are always like that. I am always like this -last worlds' freak. We never going to talk like close friends. Yet I love my dad and mom!
Dear dad and mom,
I am really feeling sorry for letting you down in the past. Really sorry ma! Really sorry Appa!! I know you will accept my sorry. I know you don't even need my sorry or I love you message. But I love you. I love you so much; love you more than anyone else in this world.
